I guess you could say there’s a “vas deferens” between ladyparts and manjunk.
These are actually pretty funny to read.
Asked by Anonymous
You may come as many times as you’d like! :O
Andy. Beverly Hills. Atheist. Polyamorous/relationship anarchist. Kinkster. I like things. Let's fuck.
I could tell she was trouble from the first kiss. I could tell something wasn’t right. It was dark and I couldn’t see her, but I could smell her. The flavor of garbage was pressed on her lips, and as hers met mine, I began to wonder what exactly I had gotten myself into. Always check to make sure your girlfriend isn’t a possum.
This evening’s date went precisely as I had anticipated. We did have a couple hours of decent conversation, but I felt absolutely zero romantic connection or physical attraction to her. Pity, really; she looked so promising on paper.
Some awkward moments:
- Within 30 seconds of us meeting, she pointed out that she wasn’t wearing a bra and casually mentioned that I could grab her boob if I wanted.
- While we were standing at the bar ordering drinks, she basically told me, “I’m going to have sex with you, so you can pay.” I think the wording was somewhat less overt, but the message was the same. Overconfident, much?
- She seemed to repeatedly bring the conversation back to sex, and offered to show me more nudie pics of her that she had on her cell phone. That was a nice reminder to myself that I’d been intending to delete the photos she had texted me, but had forgotten.
- As we were leaving, I walked her to her car, and I knew she was expecting “the kiss.” I managed to weasel away with a hug and a quick peck.
So it was nice to get home and hang out with Blondie for a bit. Not that I don’t need a lame date to know this, but sometimes it’s nonetheless nice to be reminded of how awesome she truly is. :)
I was talking to a Tumblr friend about My “How to OKCupid” series I posted last year, so I thought I’d re-link to the whole series:
Step One - Be a good tour guide.
Step Two - Have friends in low places.
Step Three - Fear not!
Step Four - Your well-traveled side.
Step Five - Lend your man an ear.
Step Six - Meow!
Step Seven - Staying balanced.
Step Eight - The ‘stache trick.
Step Nine - Yay! You did it!
And that, ladies, is how you win yourself a man on OKCupid!
Tomorrow night’s date has decided it’s awesome to start sending me unsolicited naked photos of herself. Somehow I find them much less appealing than I thought I would. (Not that I mind unsolicited nudie pics in general, of course…and to every lovely lady who has my phone number, please consider that a less-than-subtle invitation!)
It also turns out that she knows Mohawk fairly well because she’s been hooking up with a pretty big celebrity who’s part of Mohawk’s inner circle of friends. The poly world can seem awfully tiny sometimes. Too tiny.
So, I’m feeling far more tepid about tomorrow evening than I thought I’d be. :-/
Jan 7, 2014 – 9:09amBest pickup line ever:
Did you hear?… Scientists on the news just said that come tomorrow, there will only be 7 planets…
…because tonight I’m gonna destroy Uranus.
(I bet Uranus is really cute though… ;)
Not sure whether to be horrified, or to write that down for future reference.
Maybe both. :O